Why you should grieve well
Grieving is a big part of life. I’ve heard it said that without grief, there is no love. It’s a natural process of letting go that comes with just about anything joyful we experience.
I recall grieving when each of my children approached kindergarten - noticing my sadness at the ending of their early playful years. Then I grieved when they came upon adolescence - missing their childhood days. Of course I was also happy at their growing up, and I loved seeing the ways they were developing as young people. Now, both of my kids are on the cusp of adulthood and I celebrate the amazing humans they’ve become. But I still grieve when I think of all those cute, cuddly years. I can’t help it!
Each time I’ve gone through a life transition, I’ve experienced loss and grief. I think sometimes it’s tempting to move past one stage into another without really acknowledging the change. We want to move straight into the happiness of our new life.
But it’s important to recognize the sadness that comes with any change. Grief is a huge part of appreciating the good things in your life. Without it, we can become thinner in our gratitude. When we move through it consciously, our gratitude becomes authentic and rich.
How can you grieve well? Here are some ways . . .
Allow yourself to feel it. When you get tired or low, sometimes that is grief calling out to spend some time with you. Sit down and let it wash over you. If it brings tears, let them flow. Just soak up and marinate in the sense of grief. It’s okay to wallow for a moment.
Name the things you loved about the person or time you’re grieving. Think about all the ways you’ve been blessed by that period in your life. Imagine its characteristics, one by one, and let yourself be thankful for how it supported your growth.
Remember that grief is not just about loss; it happens anytime you’re moving from one phase of life to another. If you’re getting married, you’re giving up a time of singlehood in your life - so even in this joyful time you can acknowledge the parting with your past self. Sit with the things you enjoyed about that phase of your life, and say goodbye.
Share with others about your grief. Everyone around you has a story about their own life passages. Being together while you face an important loss or change will help you feel supported and held. Also, you can provide healing for others’ grief by tending well to your own. Grief makes us compassionate to the world around us.
Create a ritual to honour your grief. In the case of a break-up, take a few things that remind you of that special someone, put them together in a bundle, and bury it somewhere in nature. If it’s the death of a loved one, you can weave a few threads together while meditating on their memory, and wear that bracelet on your wrist or ankle for as long as it feels necessary. There are many unique rituals to mark different points in your life, and they can be as creative and unique as you are.
Good grieving makes you better at loving. We’re all here to experience the numerous qualities of Love, all the ups and downs, the cycles, the losses and gains. Your grief offers a deep well of wisdom, so sit there and let your thirst be quenched. Let others be nourished near you, as well. You will come out more connected, gracious and wise.
Sending you big love,